Link's Messed up Adventure
by Ant423
Summary: 4 years after the end of Windwaker, Link and Tetra find themselves on an island where mayhem ensues. Rated M for violence and language.


**Link's Messed up Adventure**

At the end of Windwaker, Link and Tetra set off on a quest to find new lands. 4 years later, they arrived on a large island in the middle of the great sea. It looked a bit like Windfall, only more ghetto.

"It's about time we hit land," said Tetra, "All my pirates are dead."

"And they were delicious," said Link, licking his lips.

"Hey!" snapped Tetra, "Remember what I said about keeping that to ourselves?"

"Whatever," said Link, "If you knew how to read a map, we wouldn't have gotten lost and forced to eat our friends."

"Shut up, dickwad! You're the one who finished off all the food!"

"Yeah, but you didn't even bother to shower the whole trip. You smell like a Gorilla's ass."

"Rubbing yourself with Jergen's does not count as a 'shower'."

"Let's just go to the island," said Link as he got off the ship, "I need to get me some pussy. Where's the nearest strip club?"

Link and Tetra walked around the island. A bunch of gloomy-looking people stared at them as they walked.

"Link, I'm scared," said Tetra.

"Shut the fuck up, ho!" said Link.

All of a sudden, a tall Latino man stepped in their path.

"Hey, man," said the man, "You're on our turf."

"So?" asked Link.

"Get the fuck off our island if you know what's good for you," replied the thug. He pulled out a knife and held it to Link's neck.

"Ooooh," said Link, "Tough guy."

Link then pulled out his sword and chopped the man's head off. All of a sudden, the thug's friends surrounded Link and Tetra.

"Link," said Tetra, "What are we gonna do now?"

"Go to the café and wait for me," said Link.

"But..."

"Get your smelly ass to the café!" Tetra obeyed. "You wanna play?"

The thugs all pulled out knives and charged at Link. He dodged their attacks and swung his sword around, chopping off various body parts. At the end of the scene, there were about 5 bloody men lying dead on the floor. As Link basked in his victory, another swarm of men surrounded Link.

"Fuck you all," said Link.

Link charged straight ahead to a row of men and swung his sword. Their intestines popped out of their guts and fell to the floor. He then turned around and killed another 10 guys. Before long, an enormous swarm of townspeople arrived.

"Fuck this shit!" shouted Link.

There must have been at least 100 people, but Link finished them all off. Link stood above their dead bodies and raised his sword in the air. His shirt was torn and he was covered in sweat and blood. Almost immediately after giving his victory cry, at least 5000 people showed up to avenge the fallen townspeople.

"How many people live in this damn town?" demanded Link.

Link literally ran through the crowd, slicing and dicing them. At the end of the massacre, half the island was covered in blood and Link stood victorious once again. Link ripped off what remained of his shirt and threw his little green hat to the floor.

Just then, over a million people surrounded Link and began to attack. Exhausted and frustrated, Link readied his sword once again and killed everyone that came his way. Body parts flew across town and gore covered the streets. Link once again massacred a large crowd of people. Tetra then showed up.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" demanded Link.

"There's no one at the café," replied Tetra, "You killed everyone!"

"Hold that thought," said Link. Another million people arrived on the island to kill Link. In a few minutes, they were all dead.

"Stop this madness!" Beedle ran onto the island and approached Link, "What is wrong with you?"

"Beedle?" said Link, "I left Outset to get away from you!"

"You know me," said Beedle, "I'm everywhere!"

"What the fuck do you want?"

"I want you to stop all of this senseless violence. Please hear me out."

"They started it! Now, get away from me, you bastard!" Link then stabbed Beedle in the gut.

"Let'a go, Tetra." Link and Tetra began to walk away from the body, when Beedle suddenly jumped up.

"Get back here!" shouted Beedle.

The shopkeeper charged at Link with a machete. Link blocked the attacks and chopped off Beedle's right hand. Link then sliced Beedle down the chest and he fell. As Link inspected the body, Beedle jumped up and began to strangle Link.

"What the?..." shouted Link.

Link spun around a few times until Beedle fell. Link then kicked Beedle, knocking him into a nearby store window. Everything went quiet. Link simply stood there, breathing heavily, sweat dripping down his face, holding his sword. He glanced around for a bit until...

"AYAYAYAYAYAYA!" Beedle came charging at them with a large shard of glass.

"Why won't you die, motherfucker?" Link then raised his sword and fought the crazed shopkeeper for a few minutes. He eventually managed to stab Beedle.

"You will pay for this, Link!" said Beedle.

"Shut up and die!" said Link.

He then knocked Beedle to the floor and began to stab him repeatedly. Beedle refused to die. Tetra then tossed Link a carving knife.

"Thanks, ho," said Link.

With the knife, Link literally 'carved' Beedle. He chopped him into hundreds of little pieces.

"Now to dispose of him," said Link.

Link wrapped each little piece with some paper. He then ran up to one the red postboxes and placed the pieces inside.

"I hope the butcher on Windfall likes these," said Link, "Come on, Tetra. Let's grab some supplies. After I wanna head down to the strip joint.

"Um, Link," began Tetra, "There aren't any strippers left. You killed EVERYONE in this town."

"True..." Link said, "But I still got you. Dance for me, bitch."

"I don't know..."

"I'll pay you."

"Sweet!"

Tetra took off her top and began to do a sexy dance. Link found it so repulsive that he barfed.

THE END!


End file.
